What Is This Sh*t? Mountain Bike Anomalies, I Just Don’t Understand.

I have been avidly mountain biking for some time now, it’s a passion to say the least. And as some of you may have noticed, while riding bicycles out in the mountains we tend to get some time to think. I can’t say that I am normal by any accord but I have noted a few anomalies. These quandaries have plagued my brain for what seems to be dozens of hours while aboard the bicycle. They are oddities amongst our hobby and have helped to lessen the blow of eternal pedaling for me, hopefully they will do the same for you.

1. Horse Poop – There is no panic like the- Uhoh, horse doo doo- trail panic. Your agility is at its peak to avoid this massive pile of dung, but somehow this is okay in the trail community. Meanwhile dog owners are ticketed for the tiniest of turds. What is the difference between horse poo and dog poo? Go ahead and insert your own crappy pun here, but I just don’t understand the concept. Is the argument convenience? Since a horse rider would have to get off their steed and shovel the pounds of poop into a garbage bag they are excused? I just don’t understand where the line is drawn. Inconvenience is relative, I don’t think hikers feel it is convenient to pick up dog poop.

2. Tights on the trail – I understand that these lightweight kits are faster, lighter, and all the cross country racers wear them… I don’t understand why people wear them on a recreational ride though. It seems pointless. Wouldn’t proper trail shorts provide more wind resistance and help your training while protecting your freshly shaven legs from a potential crash? I could certainly enjoy a trip to the trail without seeing those grape smugglers. Just saying.

3. GoPro Cameras – Making molehills out of mountains. They should re-name these devices to “Dream Crushers” as in, I thought I was flying down the mountain through the gnarliest terrain on earth, after reviewing the Dream Crusher’s footage, I ascertained that I was in fact, crawling down a mountain sidewalk.

4. To Old People – We are always going too fast. Apparently the elderly are dead set on the idea that they are pushing the limits on speed. Anyone fast enough to pass them… is going too fast. 5mph or 30mph, prepare for the stank eye.

Speculating down the trail is one of my favorite things. I am sure you also have a few, go ahead and share. I would love some more ammo for the ride up the mountain. Cheers!

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